𝖏𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖆𝖑

26.02.01

The World Keeps Ending and the World Goes On - Franny Choi

Presented by our lead minister during service this morning. I grew up not happy, but privileged nonetheless. I was taught that the greatest defilements belonged to the past and that we had learned from them. I knew bad things still happen, but I didn't know how palpable it continues to be and how vulnerable we still are. This is not a unique story, but this is my page, so I will reflect on it as I please.

It took a long while for me to accept and internalize that the terrible is just as integral to our universe as the beautiful. But I think I'm here now. Not that I am happy about it, but there is a certain steadfastness and resilience that comes with alignment. I can watch a video of a Palestinean getting their head blown off without crumbling. I can hear about the ICE raids in my neighborhood without resigning to agoraphobia. I can look at these things and let them create urgency to keep moving - as long as I stay balanced overall. I wish I could remember the Buddhist activist that taught me the phrase 'accept without condoning' through his podcast, as it has become a mantra to me. In the spirit of Choi's poem, too, it has strengthened me to understand how people have been struggling through all of time and space. Just as spiritual sickness swells naturally, so does the sense of duty to repel it. These are the ancestors we can call upon to guide us.

Still, it is hard to keep the balance that allows me to gaze into the sickness. This winter has been hard. The Imbolc gatherings this weekend, thankfully, have been healing to myself and others. I knowingly conversed with Brigid for the first time at the nexus of her ritual space. Humbled and grateful, I felt a warm flame melt the ice that had accumulated within me. I was able to cry for the first time in a while.

Cleaned house for Imbolc practice as well. Got the holiday tree taken down and offered the house spirits the last two saltwater taffies from my trip to St. Augustine last Thanksgiving. I found a point-and-shoot camera my husband got for his birthday long ago and has yet to use. I think I will help myself to it. I have been slowly pulling away from my phone. First, from music streaming to music player. Why not photos too?


The Coming of Bríde by John Duncan (1917)